1.Check in with yourself, take some steps to calm your brain.
2. Choose a moment when you can give your child your full attention. Avoid multi-tasking, including glancing at your phone or other technology.
3. Notice and release your agenda, really. Ask yourself am I hoping to
Guide my child's behavior in a certain direction?
Change my child's point of view or how my child is thinking
Change my child's behavior?
If the answer is yes to any of those questions, wait until you find a way to give up that goal for the moment in order to connect.
4. Tune into what your child is focusing on at the moment (including annoying music or other activities you don't enjoy). Be curious about your child's experience of these activities.
If your child does not want to connect at that time, invite them to plan a time that would be better for them.
5. Listen with empathy and share your vulnerable thoughts and feelings.
Try to understand your child's feelings and thoughts without trying to change them.
Enter as well as you can into your child's experience of the world, even if it doesn't make sense to you.
6.Express your own experiences without trying to teach, simply to acknowledge that struggle is normal for everyone. "That sounds really painful. I remember when I didn't feel accepted when I was younger I felt awful and hopeless at that time."
7. Support your child's problem solving process if they express an interest in looking for solutions. If not, just listen.
8. Express appreciation of your child's willingness to talk honestly with you. "I feel good when you talk so openly with me about your thoughts and feelings. Thanks."